There it is in your Inbox.  The once coveted, but now dreaded…

…Evite.

Oh how I used to enjoy seeing them.  I’d respond or decline, depending on, you know – life. And then if I was interested, I’d follow along with the responses to see who was coming, who could make a witty remark and who was bringing the jello mold.

Now?  I just think about all the logistics involved in attending.  I still love the opportunity to get out and see friends (if not actually speak to them), but man, this twin toddler thing makes partying TOUGH!  And I don’t even mean real partying.  I mean going to someone’s backyard and eating a hot dog and perhaps drinking a beer or (GASP!) two.

Here’s a play-by-play of a recent bbq.

0:00 – Upon arrival scan yard for potential safety issues.

0:01 – Wonder why Matthew is bleeding from the face.

0:02 – Quickly determine they are too numerous to count.

0:03 – Retreat to “greenhouse” (aka former pot growing emporium).  Decide gravel floor pieces are probably small enough not to choke the babies.

0:07 – Realize I was wrong about the gravel size.

0:15 – Head out to the “yard” (aka set of Little Shop of Horrors).

0:16 – Activate the Zone Defense with Will to protect kids from Rose Tree of Death and other menacing flora.

0:30-45 – Defensive shuffling drills to act as human wall between babies and grill.

0:46 – Drink 3 sips of much needed beer.  Consider purchasing one of these to at least ensure adequate alcohol consumption.

0:52 – Spend 30 seconds wondering if friend REALLY left me in charge of his 10 month old child without a word.  Conclude:  Yes.  Roll Eyes.

1:10 – Pawn 10 month old off onto hostess to dash after Sarah. Narrowly avoid solving one of life’s great mysteries:  What actually happens when babies eat lead paint?

1:21 – Cavalierly stick thumb down Sass’ diaper for a quick check.  (Could also read: “Stupidly stick thumb into giant mass of blueberry poo.”)

1:26 – Realize that the travel wipes are all dry.  Curse loudly.

1:37 – CAKE!

1:51 – Start making a move to leave.

2:35 – Actually drive away.

So, that’s how I party, twin-style!  I didn’t used to be like this.  I figured I would be the relaxed mom, not worrying about what kind of trouble my kids get in.  I don’t know if it’s that we’ve got twins, or if it’s just the mom gene or what, but I’m kind of a jerk about safety.  I even annoy myself sometimes, but I can’t seem to help it.

Does anyone else find they have trouble attending parties these days?  On the car ride home, once we catch our collective breath, Will and I always wonder, “Why did we just do that? We’re still hungry and thirsty and we didn’t talk to anyone!”  It’s kind of a drag, really.  I want to be able to enjoy these things, and I know the time will come, but for now, I’m feeling a bit whiny about it, I must admit. Please tell me I’m not alone!